literature

One Coarse Lawsuit

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One Coarse Lawsuit

One morning, in Bikini Bottom, Mr. Krabs was sitting in his office doing his usual thing. And by that I mean counting money and laughing.
"Ar har har har! Things have been going much better since I realized that the minimum wage was lower!"
Suddenly, Mr. Krab's top chef, SpongeBob Squarepants, busted in.
"SpongeBob?" Mr. Krabs asked. "Has buisness slowed down?"
"No, sir," SpongeBob replied, "but there are some cops outside the restaurant."
"Cops?" Mr. Krabs responded. "I'm sure they just want a couple patties."
"I don't think so, sir," SpongeBob said. "They look pretty serious and they're asking Squidward where you are."
"Ah, just play it cool, boy," Mr. Krabs assured him. "They're probably just asking about the whole 'nasty patty' incident."
"I thought we were never supposed to talk about that again," SpongeBob quipped.
"We're not," Mr. Krabs explained, "but I am."
The cops then came in, looking not too happy.
"Welcome to the Krusty Krab!" Mr. Krabs burst. "What can I do for ya?"
"We're officers Moe and Danny," one of them said, flashing Mr. Krabs their badges. "You're under arrest."
"What?" Mr. Krabs blurted. "But whatever for?"
"Stalking, impersonation, and psychological torture," Officer Moe said.
"I have no clue what you mean!" Mr. Krabs said, holding up his arms. Looking down, he saw that they were cuffed.
"Oh, I think you do," said Officer Danny. They then started to take Mr. Krabs away.
"Wait!" SpongeBob yelped. "You can't do this! Mr. Krabs would never do something that terrible!"
"Actually, you're under arrest too, Mr. Squarepants," said Officer Moe.
"WHAT?" SpongeBob was filled with confusion. "But why?"
"Impersonation, being affiliated with a criminal, and being the leader of a crime group," said Officer Danny.
"But I've never done any of that!" SpongeBob argued as he was cuffed.
"I can't believe I'm saying this overused line," grumbled Officer Moe, "But tell it to the judge." They proceeded to take them away and
put them in their cop car, Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob protesting the whole time.

SpongeBob sat behind the stand beside the judge, extremely worried and nervous. The prosecuter, Andy Bishop, approached him.
"Sir, is it true that you are not really SpongeBob Squarepants?"
"What do you mean?" SpongeBob asked. "I'm a sponge, I wear square pants, I live in a pineappple under the sea-"
"You didn't answer my question, sir," interrupted Andy, "Is it true that you are not really SpongeBob Squarepants?"
SpongeBob paused for a bit, and said "No. I have always been SpongeBob, and I shall continue to be."
"I thought you might say that," said Andy, "So I have brought with me some evidence to disprove you. I hold before you exhibit A," he held up a
bag of blood, "The blood of SpongeBob Squarepants. Now I present to you exhibit B," he held up another bag of blood, "The blood of the creature
standing before you. A DNA test, which I have here," he held up a piece of paper, "shows that the two do not match!"
The jury gasped. "Now I ask again, sir, are you not really Spongebob Squarepants?"
SpongeBob opened his mouth, paused, then said "Yes... I am not."
The whole audience was taken aback. "But I had a good reason!" He yelled, "I just wanted to have my own show! I saw how much popularity that
SpongeBob was getting and I wanted some popularity of my own."
"Oh, really?" Andy asked. He turned to the jury. "Would any of you think that that's a good enough reason to kidnap a beloved childhood icon and
his friends, imprison them in hideout for years, just so you can have your own show?!"
The jury started murmuring, saying things like "No," and "Not at all," and "Hell no," and "I wish I was playing Resident Evil 6 instead."
"But if it's such a bad thing, why prosecute me now?"
"Because we needed enough evidence that you weren't SpongeBob. Taking the blood of a sponge is no easy matter, and we lacked the funds at the time.
And even if you were prosecuted back then, people would still say that you were doing no harm, as you were still keeping the show going and were
still doing good. But the crimes you and Mr. Krabs committed recently allowed us to show everyone the truth. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury," Andy
turned towards the jury, "The sponge you see before you is not SpongeBob. He is known as The Cubic Creeper, and he and his friends have been
assuming the identities of SpongeBob and his friends for years. The only ones who weren't taken away were Sheldon J. Plankton, Gary, and Squidward Tentacles.
The government has been trying to find them for years now, and we haven't gotten any findings. But we now have the second best thing: the man who
runs the operation! And wouldn't you know it, we caught him and his friend doing something truly despicable."
"But me and Mr. Krabs were only trying to keep Plankton out of the restaurant!" The Cubic Creeper explained.
"That does not mean that you can use psychological torture and drive someone to suicidal depression," Andy said.
"I object!" Mr. Krabs yelled.
"Overruled," the judge said.
"As for you, Mr. Krabs," continued Andy, "Or should I say, Cheapy the Cheepskate? Psychological torture and driving someone to suicidal depression
is not only sickening, but it is also a crime. Has anyone in this room lost a friend or family member to suicide?"
Some people stood up. A few of them cried.
"Then you'll all know that these men should not be excused of this charge."
"Does the defense have anything to say?" the judge asked.
"Yes, your honor," The Cubic Creeper said. He turned to Andy and said, "I can't believe that you would try to prosecute me. After all that I've
sacrificed for the fanbase, after all that I've done to make Viacom and Nickelodeon money, you would dare try to lock me up? If you get rid of
me, the show will be shut down, and then the network will be next. I've locked up SpongeBob and his friends up somewhere secret, and I'll
never tell you where. Nick will die out."
The sound of a gavel slamming a stand filled the room. "Court has been ajourned. We will meet tomorrow when the jury has made their decision."
Everyone got up and started to leave. As Cheapy the Cheapskate started out, he turned to Andy and said "You people. You have no idea how
make money for a company. All you did was weaken the economy today, Andy. That's all you did. You put men's jobs on the line." He then walked out
and said "Sweet dreams, son."
And with that, only Andy was left.

"Thanks again for buying me a drink, you guys," Andy said. He and Officers Moe and Danny were at a bar, having a few drinks that night.
"Hey, don't worry about it, man," responded Moe, "I've been wanting those bastards to have the fist of justice be brought unto them for years now."
"Yeah," said Danny, "And thanks to you, that's going to happen."
"I don't know, guys," Andy said, "The police might decide to interrogate him to try to figure out where the hideout is. After all, they've been
wanting to know where he's been keeping SpongeBob and his friends for years now. When that happens, he might be able to escape. You know how slippery
toons are."
"I don't think so," Moe said. "He said himself that he won't talk, and torturing won't work either. Most of the time, toons like being hurt."
"Well, what about Squidward?" Andy asked. "Recently, he seems to have been taking pain quite... painfully."
"You know how The Scientific Squirrel, Sandy's doppleganger, loves science?" Danny asked, "Well, it seems that she devised a formula to make toons
feel pain. She fed it to Squidward when he was sleeping, and now he feels pain just like we do."
"Poor guy," Andy said. "You know, I've been wondering something. How did The Cubic Creeper take SpongeBob's place?"
"Well," Moe explained, "Even though The Cubic Creeper started appearing in season 4, SpongeBob still showed up occasionally.Thus, he had to get rid
of him. He kidnapped him and his friends in the middle of the night, and locked them away. The're still there, being fed minimal rations and being
treated horribly."
"So they've never escaped?" Andy asked.
"Actually, rumor has it that at one point they got out and went to Equestria so they could pass their knowledge to the toons there. That way," Danny
said, "Their influence would still be present. Unfortunately, The Cubic Creeper caught them soon after and imprisoned them again."
"Poor guys," Andy said. "I suppose it will be satisfying to see them get their just desserts."
Danny smiled. "Very."

"Has the jury reached the verdict?" the judge asked. It was the next day, and the trial was coming to a close.
"We have, your honor." A man wearing a Resident Evil 6 t-shirt stood up. "We of the jury find The Cubic Creeper and Cheapy the Cheapskate guilty of
all charges."
"Very well," said the Judge. "I hearby sentence The Cubic Creeper and Cheapy the Cheapskate to death by electric chair."
He slammed his gavel down as The Cubic Creeper and Cheapy the Cheapskate gasped in horror. As they screamed and protested, 4 cops came away and
dragged them out. Andy watched, and suddenly he felt Officers Moe and Danny clapping him on the back.
"Good job, man," said Moe, "We're really proud of you."
"Thanks," responded Andy. "So now what?"
"Well," answered Danny, "We've been ordered to go to Plankton and give him a legal compensation for the suffering that he's gone through."
"What's that?" asked Andy.
"Well," began Moe, "What has plankton looking to get his entire life?"
Suddenly, Andy knew what they meant. "The Krabby Patty formula?"
Danny smiled. "You guessed it."
"Well, let's go already," said Andy.
They then left the courthouse building, formula in hand.
We all know how awful the SpongeBob episode One Coarse Meal was. So here, I've decided to make a fanfic sequel to the episode. This is what I think should've happened to Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob afterwards.
Dedicated to Blu3Danny.
© 2013 - 2024 coolcat001100
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Flintpokemaster718's avatar
did you do one where they rescue spongebob?